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Dilbert Daily

3-Day Weekend Practically Already Over

The Onion - 11 hours 16 min ago
WASHINGTON—According to sources, the long Memorial Day weekend in honor of Monday’s federal holiday is practically over already, with the hours left in said weekend dwindling away at an increasingly rapid pace even as you read this news articl...
Categories: Comic Relief

Infographic: Timeline Of The War On Terror

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 2:40pm
0 AD–September 11, 2001: Everything fine September 11, 2001: September 11, 2001 September 12, 2001: A determined George W. Bush responds to the Sept. 11 attacks by swiftly promising two failed wars, a nearly 10-year manhunt for...
Categories: Comic Relief

[video] Gay Scouts Forced To Wear Special Merit Badge

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 2:15pm
The nation dredges up its last remaining reserves of grief, a study finds that anxiety can be resolved if you think about it real hard, and a woman who cracked three separate iPhone screens is expecting a baby boy this August. It's the week of May 24, 2013.
Categories: Comic Relief

Tim Duncan Encourages Teammates To Be Fathers First, Basketball Players Second

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 2:00pm
SAN ANTONIO—In an effort to inspire the team before Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals, Spurs captain Tim Duncan reportedly reminded his teammates Friday to always put their duties as fathers before their jobs as basketball players.
Categories: Comic Relief

[Video] Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 1:30pm
Microsoft says their new Xbox features a host of simple voice commands that will easily control and instruct gamers.
Categories: Comic Relief

Slideshow: 10 Things You HAVE To Know Before ‘Arrested Development’ Returns

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 1:20pm
10 Things You HAVE To Know Before ‘Arrested Development’ Returns
Categories: Comic Relief

Magazine: How One Man Defied The Critics Who Said Large-Breasted Models Couldn't Sell Funny T-Shirts

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 1:15pm
How One Man Defied The Critics Who Said Large-Breasted Models Couldn't Sell Funny T-Shirts
Categories: Comic Relief

Boss Born In 1991

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 12:30pm
Boss Born In 1991
Categories: Comic Relief

Tecmo Bowl–Winning Bulldogs Visit White House

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 12:00pm
WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama hosted the Tecmo Bowl champion Bulldogs at the White House Thursday, honoring the team for their stunning victory over the heavily favored Wildcats. Obama, who met with the players and coach BOB and provided a guide...
Categories: Comic Relief

Biden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp Claim

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 11:15am
WASHINGTON—Weeks after accepting a workers’ compensation settlement for a personal injury he purportedly sustained on the job, Vice President Joe Biden is under investigation for allegedly filing a fraudulent claim, sources confirmed Friday.
Categories: Comic Relief

American Voices: Boy Scouts To Allow Gay Members, Ban Gay Leaders

The Onion - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 9:30am
The Boy Scouts of America voted during their annual meeting yesterday to allow the admittance of openly gay youths into the scouting program, while maintaining the organization’s ban on homosexual adults as scout leaders.
Categories: Comic Relief

Error'd: A Pixel of a Different Color

The Daily WTF - Fri, 05/24/2013 - 5:15am

"I thought that I knew a thing or two about subpixels, but Google has proven to me that there are some subtle differences that I was not aware of," writes Joerg T..

 

 

"My wife and I just moved to Ireland and we are trying to set up our car insurance," wrote Giulio De Vecchi, "However, if premiums are going to be THIS high, I think we are just going to use a bike."

 

Christopher writes, "Could it be that Netflix would rather I play a game of Memory instead of watching movies?"

 

"I got this message trying to log into an account," wrote Mark Reierson, "There must be some serious code behind this site!"

 

Marcus writes, "Something tells me that these aren't the lads from Liverpool that I was looking for."

 

"While I appreciate their honesty, I was hoping that associating an email address with my print subscription wouldn't require ALREADY having an email address associated with my print subscription," wrote John R..

 

"Groupon sure has a generous definition of what 'Limited' really means," wrote Stephen.

 

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Categories: Comic Relief

Gay Kid Excited To Be Made Fun Of For Second Thing

The Onion - Thu, 05/23/2013 - 5:24pm
SUGAR LAND, TX—Shortly after reports surfaced today that the Boy Scouts of America had voted to lift its ban on gay youths, local homosexual child Max Lovell, 14, told reporters that he was looking forward to joining the organization and finally bei...
Categories: Comic Relief

American Voices: U.S. Admits To Killing Americans In Drone Strikes

The Onion - Thu, 05/23/2013 - 3:48pm
The government confirmed for the first time that it has killed Americans in strikes by unmanned aerial drones, killing four U.S.
Categories: Comic Relief

Restaurant's Extreme Burger Challenge Moved Down To Regular Menu

The Onion - Thu, 05/23/2013 - 2:45pm
COLUMBUS, OH—According to staff at Dusty’s Kitchen, the local restaurant’s extreme burger challenge, formerly described as “an insurmountable mountain of beef and cheese,” has recently been moved down to the regular dinner me...
Categories: Comic Relief

Sportsgraphic: Highlights From David Beckham’s Career

The Onion - Thu, 05/23/2013 - 2:25pm
With David Beckham retiring last week, Onion Sports examines notable moments from the soccer player’s illustrious 21-year career.
Categories: Comic Relief

Slideshow: 9 Photos Of Jennifer Lawrence That Will Make You Reassess The Scope Of The 1986 Vienna Convention On The Law Of Treaties Between States And International Organizations

The Onion - Thu, 05/23/2013 - 1:50pm
9 Photos Of Jennifer Lawrence That Will Make You Reassess The Scope Of The 1986 Vienna Convention On The Law Of Treaties Between States And International Organizations
Categories: Comic Relief

Gummi Bear Emerges From Digestive Tract Unharmed

The Onion - Thu, 05/23/2013 - 12:40pm
Gummi Bear Emerges From Digestive Tract Unharmed
Categories: Comic Relief

[video] Web Series Reaches 100 Views

The Onion - Thu, 05/23/2013 - 12:10pm
A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.
Categories: Comic Relief
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